I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize