I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
