Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
