Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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