You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
