Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
