There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize