New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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