I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
