Don't you send me to vm
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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