so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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