Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
