Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
