dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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