its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
