Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
