FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
