My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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