i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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