The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize