I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
