i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
