it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize