Well apparently he's into motor boating.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
