I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
