I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
