I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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