So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
