Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
