she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
