you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
