I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
