I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
