Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
