we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
