so that wasnt chicken after all
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
