I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize