Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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