i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
