Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
