she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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