apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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