You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
