Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
