I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
3pm strippers are depressing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
