i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
