Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
