its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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