A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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