You really coming over, don't trick.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
