I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
