When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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