You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
