dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
