i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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