my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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