not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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