Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
