Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
