I look better un-naked...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
