Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
