Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
