My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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