Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
