There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My feet surprised me
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