why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you had me at cake vodka
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
