ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
