And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
