quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
