hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
