Already got asked if we're dating
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
