i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
