dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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