Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
