Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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