Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
