I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
