That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
