I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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