I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
