omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
