there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
