My first STD was from a foam party
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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