you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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