Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Come on in and take your pants off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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