dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize