He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
