my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
