Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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