I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
