well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
did you just send me my own nude
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
