You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
