My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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