I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just invented taco cereal.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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