So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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