one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
