I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
