he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
