I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
