You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
