is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize