Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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