i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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