Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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