She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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