One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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