At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
